Honoring URSLF: Practical Tools for Authentic Living
Welcome back! In Part 1, we explored the concept of self-abandonment and the importance of knowing and honoring our needs. Now, we’re going to get hands-on with practical tools and exercises to help you show up authentically in your relationships. Ready to dig in? Let’s go!
Tool One: Recognizing Emotional Activation
Start paying attention to those moments when you feel a surge of emotions like anger, resentment, guilt, or confusion. These feelings are your body's way of signaling that something's off and needs your attention.
When this happens, take a moment to pause and really feel the emotion. Dig a little deeper to understand what's going on beneath the surface. Ask yourself, "What's truly bothering me right now?" This simple practice can help you uncover your real needs and desires.
Tool Two: Real-Time Boundary Setting
The second tool is what I call "workshopping." This means being present in the moment with the person you’re in a relationship with, whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, or family member. Instead of pre-packaging your emotions, express them as they arise.
Here’s how you can practice workshopping:
When you feel hurt or upset, instead of withdrawing, say, "I don’t really know how to articulate it right now, but something you said hurt my feelings."
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, communicate, "I need some time to process my emotions before we continue this conversation."
You don’t need to have all the answers. The goal is to communicate your feelings and needs in the moment, even if it’s messy. This practice helps build deeper, more authentic connections.
Tool Three: Setting Boundaries and Communicating Needs
Setting boundaries and communicating needs is an ongoing practice. Here are some steps to help you get started:
Identify Your Needs: Reflect on what makes you feel seen, heard, and loved. What are your non-negotiables in relationships?
Communicate Clearly: Use "I" statements to express your needs. For example, "I need time alone to recharge" or "I feel hurt when my feelings are dismissed."
Stay Firm: It’s okay to reinforce your boundaries. If someone disrespects them, remind them of your needs and why they’re important.
Exercise: Practicing Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is key to honoring yourself. When you catch yourself in a moment of self-abandonment, practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and remind yourself that it’s okay to have needs.
Here’s a simple exercise:
Place your hand on your heart and take a deep breath.
Say to yourself, "It’s okay to feel this way. My feelings are valid. I deserve to be heard and respected."
Honoring yourself is a lifelong journey, but it’s one worth taking. By recognizing your emotional triggers, practicing real-time boundary setting, and cultivating self-compassion, you can start showing up authentically in your relationships. Remember, it’s okay to be messy and imperfect. What matters is that you’re taking steps towards honoring your true self.
Stay connected with your body, communicate your needs, and embrace the journey of self-love and authenticity.